In one hand I had a mini chocolate chip cookie and in the other a glass of almond milk. On the counter was an open container of Nutella and I had a backup of red wine just in case. I had everything a girl could need to not feel anything for at least several hours. My arsenal of sweets and wine was gonna help me declare war on pushing down my feelings. Isn’t it the yogi way of dealing with emotions to eat Nutella and drink wine? Ha! I’d convinced myself the wine would make everything rosey by the time I hit the bottom of the glass. As I’m eating Nutella and already reaching for a mini cookie. My soul whispered, “This isn’t the way through and you know it. Let yourself feel it. Be vulnerable. Allow. Don’t you tell your yoga students that often”? I knew the sweets and wine would do nothing other make my tongue happy for a few seconds.
My soul kept whispering, “This isn’t the way to deal with powerful emotions. I packed up the cookies and put them back in the cabinet. I reluctantly screwed the lid onto the Nutella jar and closed the cabinet door. This was a moment to practice breathing with something that felt uncomfortable down to my core. I was squirming to get out of those feelings as fast as humanly possible. I knew how to grab for sweets and wine. I was reaching for instant comfort in a can. It helped for as long as it was on my tongue. Never mind that no amount of Nutella was going to heal me. Never mind that the wine may give me rosey cheeks and nothing more. All of the feelings I didn’t want to feel would still be there when I hit the bottom of the glass. My lesson from those brief moments was simple; happiness is not at the bottom of a Nutella jar.
Just like any yoga pose. I’m practicing the pose of feeling. Repetition is the mother of mastery, so again and again I practice. Then I take action on working through those feelings. It’s usually a moment by moment practice. So far I’ve learned…
1) Powerful emotions can come rushing in like a freight train without brakes. They don’t care what your in the middle of or even who your talking to at the moment. They won’t go away just because you’re wishing them away. They go away just as fast as the come. They also shift when your focus shifts. Change what you’re focusing on.
2) Crying can happen easily and often times you don’t know what to do about it. I’ve cried in front of all kinds of people. Some know how to handle it and many don’t. Stop apologizing for it. Stop explaining the whole story around why. Ask for hugs. The neat thing is I get them, try it on.
3) Choose an empowering focus. Write down what you are going to focus on. Stick with it! It takes mental tenacity and a commitment that won’t quit. When an emotional train hits you in the face and puts you flat on your back. Feel the ground underneath you. Roll over and stand up. Push your feet into the ground like you mean business. Stand up, choose your focus spot again and go. One foot in front of the other.
4) Choose what something means to you. For instance if you lost your job. There’s tons of things you can make up it means about you. Unworthy, not good enough and just a slacker. You can’t control people or events. You can control what you what you choose to believe about those events. Perhaps you’re worthy, good enough and a dedicated worker.
5) Find something eternal inside of yourself. No matter what occurs on the surface you can go back to that. I like to think of it as the stillness at the bottom of the ocean. No matter how the ocean crashes on the shore the deep ocean is calm. What is it that keeps you at peace no matter what.
Listen to the whispers of your soul. Allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling. The feelings will come and go. Make choices to move yourself forward. Choose an empowering focus that creates peace and joy. Realize that it’s okay to not have everything together all at once. You are not your past. It’s time for you to choose who you are now. Be creative and get going!